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Empty statements like "I'm sorry to bother you." are polite, but just make my goal of getting through all the unread messages in my inbox that much harder to achieve.
So if your email was written in a professional manner, but was just terse, that's absolutely fine.
Tailor it to their individual interests, and be prepared for it to take up to three years. The ‘ask’ In some cases, if you can avoid an ‘ask’ for money, that can work best. Tell them about what their support can achieve, and expect their questions. And your ‘thank you’ (from CEO or Chair as appropriate) must again inspire them about the cause, and respond to their reasons for giving.
And you need to be prepared that, out of four prospects, you will get only one donation at ‘ask’. Keep in touch Update your prospects on progress (both those who have given and those who have not). And prepare opportunities for those who did not give to see other aspects of your work that they may be more interested in.
E.g., all the discussion of "what makes a good X" is self-defeating, in sort of an inflationary way, in the sense that whatever the current formulaic answer is is a failure.
This makes no sense, why should you apologize for sending an email?
If they gave you an email to contact them, then they should expect emails...
Keep in mind too that your professor is aware that one day you will, hopefully, be their colleague/work-equal, and that as such, conducting yourself in a professional manner (which includes holding exactly to say that is currently considered polite and appropriately respectful for the situation, is in itself a filter, whether or not we think it has genuine meaning.
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