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Your spouse may see this new person as someone who offers up a new life, someone who will take them away from the burdens of having a wife and family and marital problems.In the end, they discover that all the old burdens and issues that came along with the marriage are the same, the only difference is, the person they feel responsible to is different.The relationship with the other man/other woman is an intoxicating fantasy relationship with no foundation but lies and dishonesty.They are showing your spouse only their best side, they are being all they can be to your spouse and all they believe your spouse needs. Their true nature will show itself and the fantasy will wear off.Blaming the other man or, other woman keeps us from having to take responsibility for the problems in the marriage and our own feelings, so we like to pretend that if it hadn’t been for that other person there would have never been an affair.Problem is, there would have been, it just would have been a different "other" person. That doesn’t happen when you’re with a married man. You’ve chosen a man who’s proved he’s willing to lie and cheat to have what he wants. Even if you don’t want to get married again, date someone who’s actually available so you can make that decision for yourself.
What happens next often depends on who had fun (or didn’t) on any previous dates.
The circumstance is more important than the person your spouse is involved with.
Spend your time and energy focused on the problems in the marriage that led to an affair and finding a solution for those problems.
You should not take it personally because it is not about you as a person.
Given time and patience, most affairs go down in flames.Plus, they say that living well is the best revenge and, you certainly want to get revenge—in a manner that helps you heal instead of causing you more pain.