Demitri martin dating

16-Feb-2020 09:18

Demetri Martin Stand Up Jokes "Last week I lost my temper in my karate class. It can be harmless too, but it just makes you a creep. Because with grapes, you always get another chance.Man, I'm not doing that again until I'm a black belt. "I like Sheryl as a friend, but I'm not sure about taking things further"... " " "I love women, but I feel like you can't trust some of them. Like I was in the park and I met this girl, she was cute and she had a dog. 'Yeah after college I spent two years in the peace corps, ladies? 'Cause, you know, if you have a crappy apple or a peach, you're stuck with that crappy piece of fruit. I feel like you should give someone flowers if you want to threaten them, here you’re next. Like a lifevest protects you from drowning and bulletproof vests protect you from getting shot and the sweatervest protects you from pretty girls. Really saying here you go, now watch these die, cause I like you. So my choice was hold up an egg sandwich or hold up a hot chocolate to get a car. And I put it up there and no cab stopped and I realized it was because I looked like I was toasting traffic. But I already started eating my sandwich; I took it out of the bag, I was impatient.

Martin is best known for his work as a stand-up comedian, being a contributor on The Daily Show and for his Comedy Central show Important Things with Demetri Martin.

Because I can tell you there's a difference between taking karate and receiving karate. ' The more harmless it is, the more of a creep you become. But if you have a crappy grape, no problem just move on to the next.

" "I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you're really making a decision about your behavior for the day. 'Grapes: The Fruit of Hope.'" If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.

Like if you put on flipflops, you're saying: 'Hope I don't get chased today.' 'Be nice to people in sneakers.'" "I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude.' 'Dude, these are isotopes.' 'Dude, we removed your kidney. Man "The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades." "I used to play sports. Now I'm good at everything." "Graffiti's the most passionate literature there is, you know? "I think it would be cool, if you were writing a ransom note in Microsoft Word, and it popped up, the paperclip and said, "It looks like you're writing a ransom note need some help?

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You're gonna be fine.' 'Dude, I am so stoked to win this Nobel Prize. You should curse more." The paperclip would be all messed up, you know?

Tommy is aligned with ppl that America hates, Nicole is seen as an underdog. I wish tommy played without Christie And I clearly didn’t play a social game, so I have no clue what a social game is 😂😂 I feel like people are confusing their like for her as a person with her “game”, I like her because she’s not problematic but that’s about it. Ppl will say her social game is amazing but it’s not true.