Funny internet dating lines
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I’d definitely notice if you went missing, on account of your nice boobs.
– Sometimes I feel like I could go missing for weeks before anyone even noticed.
Like why is there a 'D' in 'fridge' but no 'D' in 'refrigerator'?
" "Sorry, the position for Spanish teacher has been filled. " "Sunday priorities: Netflix, Exercise, or Bottomless Mimosas? 'Cuz I might let you join my gang." "Sorry it took me so long to message you, I was at Whole Foods trying to figure out what you like for breakfast." "Are you a middle eastern dictator?
" "If I were a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seeds?
What I'm looking for at the moment is a bedroom acrobatic teacher." "Maybe you can help me. Because you’re causing a political uprising in my pants" "Do you work at build-a-bear?
I forgot the password to my account, and when I hit 'password hint,' it keeps telling me 'Jessica’s phone number.'" "Do you have a personality as attractive as your eyes? Because I’d stuff you." "If you were a vegetable you'd be a cute-cumber." "You're so gorgeous that you made me forget my good pickup line." "Are you the SAT?
But while you may be a boring dolt who is a complete drain on society, I’m a creative genius, and have perfected the art of openers. – Just enrolled for health insurance via Obamacare. PHILOSOPHICAL OPENERS: – Sometimes I question why God allows bad things to happen to good people. – Fuck, Marry, Kill: Nietzsche, Kierkegaard, Dostoyevsky? Let’s cut to the chase—call me an insensitive, self-involved, immature asshole and break up with me. Been playing with my nephew and his new puppy in a flower patch all day while helping to feed the homeless. – Guess who’s no longer on his parents cell phone bill…?
Today, on this blog, I am giving away 42 openers to all of you…COMPLETELY FREE OF CHARGE. – If the technology existed, do you think it would be ethical for scientists to clone you? AGGRESSIVE OPENERS: – Ya know what the difference is between you and an angel? – I’ve thought it over, and I’m okay with you keeping our yet-to-be-conceived baby.
Instead of playing it cool, they’ve gone all out to create funny profiles that lay everything on the table.