Nervous about dating
The more confidence you grow, the more the formula builds on itself.
So if we know the formula, why is it so hard to apply in dating?
If you want to become confident, being your truest self around a man, it’s important you build both situational and core confidence.
While situational confidence will help you immediately, it is core confidence that will create the most solid foundation for your newly learned set of skills and allow you to spread your confidence more easily through other areas of your life.
Here is the difference; Situational confidence refers to any type of confidence that is unique to one set of circumstances.
Being a confident swimmer, a confident surgeon, or a confident date are all examples of situational confidence. While a woman can be situationally confident (i.e., good at talking to men), that doesn’t necessarily make her a confident person.
I had the bright idea to ask women out right away on Tinder the other day, and as soon as I got an affirmative response, I sprinted to the bathroom*. As someone who loves all things black and spikey, but also loves all things pink and fluffy; who loves attention, but is painfully shy; who hates clinginess, but loves affection; who gets violently ill before the party, but thrives once I’m there; it only makes sense that I love dating, but it f*cking terrifies me. I’ve made this mistake before, thinking there is no way I’m going to have sex on the first date. Because at the end of the day, we’re all just horny dykes, darling. There are two ways that I have managed my crippling pre-date anxiety.
Longform or shortform (I always choose longform, but I still deliberate). Which is why I have decided to reveal my dating-with-anxiety tips. These tips have been tested and approved by me, the anxious babe that manages to still date and get laid. This probably takes place on Tinder for most of you (if you’re anxious, I’m going to operate under the assumption that asking a girl out in person will make you vomit, I’ll help with that another time). Getting to the date right away will alleviate some of your anxiety. If I know I look good, that’s one less thing to worry about. I know it seems like an improbability when you’re too anxious to even pronounce the name of the Entrée you want, but there is a possibility you will get laid tonight.
Don’t worry; if you don’t feel like you have core confidence, rest assured it, too, can be built.A person with core confidence will have an easier time developing situational confidence, because they will approach new situations with generalized self-assurance.They’ll be able to fail without taking it to heart or having it affect their identity.It is the reason Thomas Edison could say, “I have not failed.
I’ve just found 10,000 ways to build a light bulb that won’t work.” Edison knew – better than anyone – how to reframe failure.
Core confidence is developed by challenging yourself across many areas of life, building self-esteem, and rewriting your thought processes, until it becomes a permanent habit.