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"If he's been jumping in the shower right after sex for the last 10 years, he's going to be really taken off guard if, the next time he goes into the shower, you all of a sudden say it upsets you," she explains.
"Instead, set aside a time to talk when the situation has passed."When you do talk, Mintz suggests using the sandwich technique: Give him a compliment, tell him your problem, then follow it up with another compliment.
And you can get yourself into the company of others with the same goal, you will not be single for long.
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I know you really want to shower, but I really want to cuddle.That's when your partner can talk about what pressures he's feeling, or what he's self-conscious about. "In a really good, connected, long-term partnership, there's not a magic word that will work wonders; it's more about getting to know what it is your partner is worried about, and addressing that outside of the bedroom, when he's not already anxious about whatever the issue at hand is." Once you're in the bedroom (and aware of his insecurities), remind him of how much you enjoy being intimate.